Why hadn't I heard of him until now?

Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain
I hope that you’ve enjoyed your stay so far
I see you’ve met my assistant Scarface
His appearance is quite disturbing
But I assure you he’s harmless enough
He’s a sweetheart, calls me master
And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me

I’m so into you
But I’m way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I’m crazy
I’m not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn’t kill you yet

I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you
But I get the feeling that you don’t like it
What’s with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies
Maybe you don’t like monsters so much
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Isn’t it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?

I’m so into you
But I’m way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I’m crazy
I’m not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn’t kill you yet

Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine
While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere
And all the fools who live their foolish lives may find it quite explosive
But it won’t mean half as much to me if I don’t have you here

You know it isn’t easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain
Maybe you could cut me just a little slack
Would it kill you to be civil?
I’ve been patient, I’ve been gracious
And this mountain is covered with wolves
Hear them howling, my hungry children
Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you

I’m so into you
But I’m way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I’m crazy
I’m not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You’d see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn’t kill you yet
I shouldn’t kill you yet
I shouldn’t kill you yet

Jonathan Coulton. Seriously, why hadn't I heard of him until just now? Go check him out at www.jonathancoulton.com. He has some free music. Freeeeee!

Didn't I have some slightly important topic to rant on? Eh, could have been. Or maybe it was some epiphany that will never return to me. No matter, no matter...

-On his last mental legs

Another Top 10

Okay, so nobody reads this. That's fine, that's fine...but still I feel the need to post SOMEthing. Anything. So, here we go. My 10 Most Memorable Playstation games of all time. Enjoy. And if you disagree...well...you're wrong. What can I say?

10) Ape Escape
Truly a unique game. I mean, you catch super-intelligent monkeys! Not to mention that this showed off Sony's new (at the time) Dual Shock controller by implementing a unique control scheme. Whether you're whacking monkeys with a stick, hula-hooping, or commanding an R/C car, Ape Escape was just fun to play. Oh, and I did I mention Monkey Boxing?

9) Tenchu: Stealth Assassins
One of my early Playstation purchases. Though crude by today's standards, the graphics in this game gave a very gritty underworld vibe to feudal Japan. Jumping from building to building was never so fun. And when you tricked those stupid guards with some poisoned food, you couldn't help but giggle a little as you jumped in for the kill. Toss in some cool ninja weapons (grappling hooks, anybody?), slick stealthy moves, and a spifferiffic soundtrack, and you've got yourself one gem of a game.

8) Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee
Very...odd. With a quirky, post-apocalyptic setting, the only thing weirder than Oddworld were the Oddworld inhabitants themselves. You assume the role of Abe, whose race has been enslaved to run the dangerous factories of Rupture Farms. Possessing enemy Sligs and carrying on conversations with fellow Mudokons provided the player with hours of screwing around. Oh, and assuming the role of the Mudokon Savior. If you're into that sort of thing.

7) Legend of Mana
A control freak's dream come true. Want to create your own swords from scratch? Have at it. Want to conjure your own custom spells? Make Merlin proud. Legend of Mana offered the player endless customization options. Though there were many intriguing story elements, the true meat of this game came in the form of perfecting that piece of equipment or maxing out your pet Chobin Hood's stats. The soundtrack, which includes a Swedish main theme, is masterfully done (it IS Square, after all...). With the entire game set in a world that looks like a watercolor painting, Legend of Mana is a treat for the brain as well as the eyes.

6) Mega Man Legends
I know that a million gamers out there would tear me to shreds for even considering this game, but it holds a special little place in my memory. If you drop the idea of even trying to connect this game to any other Mega Man game, it's a very nice standalone game. Heck, they could have named this something else entirely and left the Blue Bomber out of the equation and the game probably would have fared better. Anyhow, it's a nice 3D platformer/3rd person shooter. Give it a whirl sometime.

5)Final Fantasy VIII
Once again, a game that's loved by few and hated by many. I've never been too disappointed in a Final Fantasy game, and the eighth installment is no exception. Sure I found the Guardian Forces and junctioning to be a bit of a hassle, but Triple Triad made everything better. Yes, a sidequest of this game involved a collectable card game. Once again, this Square gem had a nice soundtrack and beautiful cutscenes. The story wasn't half bad, either.

4)Final Fantasy IX
I got an uneasy feeling when I put this one down. Not quite sure why...this was another Final Fantasy that had a nicely divided fan reaction. Many praised the game for the return to classic FF elements, but some felt the game was too shallow. I agree that seeing a medieval FF again was a treat, but I also feel that the game was entirely too easy. As per the usual, the story was involved and the characters were incredibly well done. In fact, I'd say IX has characters that rank near the top of best FF characters of all time. I mean...VIVI!

3) Chrono Cross
I drooled all over the place when I first played this game. Never had I enjoyed such an RPG. Raised on traditional SNES RPG fare (Final Fantasies, Chrono Trigger, Earthbound), this departure from the norm sent my brain a giggling. With something in the neighborhood of 40 characters, tons of possible story paths, and a unique magic system, Chrono Cross blew my mind. Unfortunately, the huge cast of characters means little time for character development (for the most part). Of course, you can't talk about Chrono Cross without mentioning the soundtrack - Yasunori Mitsuda has succeeded in creating quite possibly my favorite video game soundtrack of all time. It's a perfect lineup of breezy town tunes and epic boss battle themes. The track, Ravine Cleft Dimension, is probably the most relaxing melody of all time.

2) Final Fantasy VII
Eh, a cop out. Now's the time that I specify that this is a list of games that were most MEMORABLE. Not necessarily best. In fact, I think Final Fantasy VII is a tad overrated. It's an absolutely amazing game, but I don't know if I'd say it's the ultimate game. Darn close, but not quite there. Anyway, there's no point talking about this game - who doesn't know about this amazing masterpiece? Great characters, great story, great graphics, great music...great everything! Oh, and greatest iteration of Cid in any FF! AND there's a Yuffie!

1) Final Fantasy Tactics
Oh man. I cannot even begin to explain how much I love this game. Perhaps it's the character customization...or perhaps it's the more strategic style of this game. Heck, it could be the fact that I can command an entire herd of Chocobo to fry the enemy with meteors. Regardless of why, this game is my absolute favorite Playstation game. Never has a Final Fantasy story been so well-written. Poor translation aside, there's not much to complain about in this game. On a side note, my love for this game is directly opposite the hatred I hold for Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. Do not ask why. Just know.

You know...something about that list doesn't seem quite right. Perhaps it's the lack of the Spyro or Crash Bandicoot series. Ah well. Maybe I should lump the Final Fantasies together as a series and plug in Spyro and Crash. Or Bust-a-Groove. Eh, anyway...it was a rough list. That being said, here are some honorable mentions: Bust-a-Grooves, Spyro series, Crash Bandicoot series, Thousand Arms, SaGa Frontier 2. Probably others.

The Playstation had a myriad of classic games. The PS2 was no different. PS3? I've yet to be impressed. Here's hoping Sony pulls their head out of their...bums...and gets back on track.

gravel angels

Yes, that's a very deep blog title. Swears.

So, um...3 days and not much to post about. Wh-wh-now you gonna complain? Go ahead, but I don't see you posting anything. Are ya? N-no. No. Didn't think so. So, uh...what are you gonna do? Whine about it? Whine like a little chimpanzee? Like a, like a chimpanzee crying for his fruit? Is that it? Huh? W-well, I got news for you buddy. Let's see YOU rewrite it. Eh. Eh? So there.

Seriously though, there's not much to talk about. Except I have some freakin' incredible friends. And I can't seem to "rest" while sleeping. Stole a Gungnir. Umm...uhh...well, perhaps more then later, alright? Alright.

it's subjective

So, another odd batch of dreams visited me last night. Usually I find delight in these little dreams, but last night's particular lineup sort of...freaked me out. Granted I DID get to unleash my rage in the dream (in the middle of church no less!), there were some uncomfortable moments. Like unexpectedly being sent to London to study Latin abroad. Or finding out that my girlfriend had another boyfriend. Or winding up covered in blood with most of my teeth in my hand. Yes, odd things were happening in my head last night.

Dear God, the Griffgoda was amazing.

I suppose this is good enough for now. Oh, a link you say? Well, 'ave at you then.

http://www.santasm.net/

But don't blame me for any damage to your fragile psyche. Pansy.

Stayin' one jump ahead of the sword and stealin' only what I can't afford,
the King Himself,
Your Fuman

billy blanks would be proud

Oddly enough, Facebook decided to import my blog posts TWICE. And now that I look more closely, it's only imported oh, the last 25 or so. No matter. Those double posts are taken care of, and I'm quite content with just 25 recent posts. I have a sneaking suspicion though, that the posts will once again double up with each new blog post. Or perhaps not? It is not for me to begin to attempt to understand the bizarre and oftentimes demonic workings of the Interwebs. Nay, that is a mission best left to other minds. And those of the robotic race.

First Blizzard from the DQ of the year. It was a doozy, too. Oreo Cheesequake. It wasn't as quakey as it was Oreo-y, but it was still worth a shot.

A recent trip to ye olde Comic Carnival yielded some interesting results. We had the standard old issues of Impulse that I blindly picked up and a few Legionnaire titles from the mid 90s...but the crowning achievement of the day was a nice little graphic novel called Time Beavers.


And yes, it was amazing as the cover implies. In fact, anybody who has NOT read this book is probably a horrible horrible person. Nah, just joshing you. But I daresay that the quality of your existence will considerably increase upon reading this gem. Yeah, bitchez.

I do believe that's all for now. So...Seacrest out!

mcfly was right in front of us

Feeling the urge to blog. Speaking of the blog, it's now imported into Facebook. Whoopdedoo! And I'm STILL miffed about my old layout being disposed of. Not miffed enough to actually do anything about it. But still miffed...

I was lucky enough to see a lecture last Wednesday by a Mr. Scott McCloud. For those of you unfamiliar with him, he is...well...I'd say he's sort of a comic guru. The bulk of his work has been in analyzing comics. His analysis has explored WHAT comics are, HOW comics communicate, and WHY we (the geeks anyway) just can't stop reading them. It was a very nice presentation, but what probably got me most was how involved his family was. McCloud obviously adores his family, and his two daughters were quite hilarious throughout the night.

Umm...uh...was there something else? Nope, probably not. Except I'm getting a new GL ring soon. Aw yeah.

And now for a video game forecast!
Last Completed: RedSteel (Wii)
Currently Playing: Final Fantasy III (DS)
Coming Up: ???

stitched with evil, stuffed with hate

It is neither machine, nor truly alive, and thus it can never die.

It is the antithesis of life.

It is the void in which existence itself is meaningless, and hence suffers eternal hunger. A hunger for the life it can never aspire to.

It's insable appetite is for souls, and yours will do nicely.

He is every pain you ever ever felt, and every illness you have ever feared.

He is all your darkest secrets, and some that you have yet to discover.

He is everything and nothing.

He is the future.

He is the Omega.

He is slightly orange, and somewhat fuzzy.

They say if you stare into the abyss for long enough, the abyss stares back. If you stare at the Tails Doll for long enough, it will not only stare back, but feast upon our eye balls from the inside as well.

Inspector Gadget Axel F! Yeeeahhh

Holy Hell.

The Dreaming Tree

It seems that I lost my customized template in the move to the new Googlefied blogger. Ah well, I'll mess with this at some point in the future. And now...

Standing here
The old man said to me,
"Long before these crowded streets
Here stood my dreaming tree."
Below it he would sit
For hours at a time
Now progress takes away
What forever took to find
And now he's falling hard
He feels the falling dark
How he longs to be
Beneath his dreaming tree

Conquered fear to climb
A moment froze in time
When the girl who first he kissed
Promised him she'd be his
Remembered mother's words
There beneath the tree
"No matter what the world
You'll always be my baby."
"Mommy come quick,
The dreaming tree has died."
The air is growing thick
A fear he cannot hide
The dreaming tree has died

Oh, have you no pity?
This thing I do
I do not deny it
All through this smile
As crooked as danger
I do not deny
I know in my mind
I would leave you now
If I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk?
Can you take pity?
I don't ask much
But won't you speak, please?

From the start
She knew she had it made
Easy up 'til then
For sure she'd make the grade
Adorers came in hordes
To lay down in her wake
Gave it all she had
But treasures slowly fade
Now she's falling hard
Feels the fall of dark
How did this fall apart?
She drinks to fill it up
A smile of sweetest flowers
Wilted so and soured
Black tears stain the cheeks
That once were so admired
She thinks when she was small
There on her father's knee
How he had promised her,
"You'll always be my baby."
"Daddy come quick,
The dreaming tree has died
I can't find my way home
There is no place to hide
The dreaming tree has died."

Oh, if I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk?
Can you take pity?
I don't ask much
But won't you speak, please?

Take me back, take me back, take me back...

Save me please.