I Feel H...a...p...p...y

Actually, that title is a lie. I'm far from happy, but I would have said otherwise yesterday evening. Oh, there's not going to be a First 5 list today. Sorry about that. I just feel awful and I'm definitely not in the mood for blogging. Well, not about anything like that.

You see, I have this little ritual about returning to BSU after an extended break. You see, 2 or 3 days before I actually go back, I get a terrible feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. It just builds up despite my efforts to ease my mind, and the first couple of days back at school are dull and depressing. Sunday was different...I was in a good mood on the way back. For once. Which made things even worse when I finally did crash back into the depression.

I suppose this isn't like other times. It's not a normal depressive feeling, it's just a blah feeling. I could not fall asleep last night. I got an hour or maybe 2. None of it was continuous, and what sleep I DID get was plagued by nightmares. I'll share some snippets:

The nightmare began with me driving in the country (I believe it was on E 350 S.) with Jen in the car. Everything was pitch-black, and even my headlights didn't seem to help. We kept trying to get to her house or mine, but it seemed every road was blocked by something or other. We were both panicking because the darkness kept creeping closer to us. I think we were running from something.

I finally did wind up at my dad's house, but Jen wasn't with me. I don't remember too much of this part, but this was where I first woke up and broke the nightmare. Of course as I drifted back into sleep, the nightmare began again. This time, I was in a mall-type area looking at comics on racks. I'm not exactly sure if anything happened, but I know I wound up in some sort of mining facility. It seemed like it was on another planet, but the place bore a striking resemblance to my grandparents' garage. Only this was bigger, and had a lot of heavy machinery in it. This was probably the absolute worst part of the nightmare, and contains some gruesome content. So, you've been warned. Anyway, there was this girl who seemed to be boring into the rock wall of the garage/mining area. She looked familiar, and I think I knew who she was in the dream. If I could recall her face better, I'd probably know who it was. She was boring through the rock with some sort of laser, and she suddenly stopped and turned around. She looked down in horror and realized she had cut a line into her leg. It just looked like a minor burn, and nobody freaked out. However, the burn spread and a chunk of her leg fell off. Everybody (myself, the girl, and other workers) started to panic as more and more of her body began to seethe. She turned back towards the wall and then turned around to face us again. She had hideous marks all over her face. They looked like burns, and they centered on her cheekbones. She kept screaming and gurgling, but all we could do was watch. Parts of her jaw fell off, and her eyes fell back into her head, leaving gaping black holes. More and more of her flesh began to fall off, and her dad (who was a fellow worker) decided to try and help her. He approached her, and she reached out for comfort. Panicked, her dad swung at her and hit her right in the chin. Her jaw snapped in two, the pieces fell to the ground, and her skin continued to be eaten away, revealing the back half of her throat. At this time, one of her eyes fell from her skull into her throat. Now her screams were more like muffled gurgles. She lurched towards us, reaching out for help...the last thing I saw before I woke up was her face right in mine. I can't shake that image, no matter how hard I try.

Well, there you have it. Can you see why I'm not in the mood to blog? Heh...it felt better getting that dream out.